Pain & relationships

CPS doesn't just touch the life of the sufferer. It touches the lives of all involved. From friends, partners to children it is an illness that brings fierce mis-understanding and changes the dynamics of work and home-life.

It also brings suspicion. My closes friend suggested to my wife that I was using the pain as an excuse to to get out of work and take drugs. I was devastated on hearing this and it was so far from the truth. If you know me, or have read my book you will know that supporting my family, financially and emotionally are my number one priorities.

It was incredibly difficult for my wife to understand and accept what I was going through. She had married a strong man, both mentally and physically and almost over night that changed. She took the brunt of my complaint as I struggled with the pain and to understand what was wrong with me.

It caused arguments and friction. She genuinely couldn't help me at all, other than take on more of the work at home. There were night’s I sat on the stairs in tears, and times my wife was stepping over me on the floor whilst taking care of our daughters. It was hard for both of us and the more I wanted my wife to understand the more resentful I felt towards her.

My real problem as far as my resentment went was that I was seeking approval from my wife and not getting it. I wanted sympathy, for her to tell me that it was okay and that she understood. I felt so alone in the beginning I was desperate for comfort. And the more frustrated my wife got with me the more I felt anger towards her. It was difficult to see clearly and certainly to see another's point of view.

As always in my life I had to be willing to let go of my resentments if I was to find peace with my wife. Resentment was also ramping up my pain levels. I had to just focus on dealing with, and managing my pain. I may have been on my own with it in a sense, but it was all the more reason to seek ways to improve my situation.

My wife had to process what was happening in her own time and in her own way. I could not force her into acceptance and had to stop seeking her approval to be ill. My CPS was going no-where. Only time would help us both to a place of understanding.

I’m glad to say that Stacey and I are still together. We finally met in the middle, she understands that there are times I struggle and I know not to have any expectations of her. Our life is a busy one and as parents we need to keep moving forward. I have found community in the Central Pain Syndrome group. It is important to have a safe place to share my experiences and ask the difficult questions. Writing also helps me process what's going on.

I have lost freinds and made others on my Journey, but the one sure thing I know is that I'm not alone. I have faith, love and support and that is all that matters.