Kindness

Image Credit: ©Kelsey Rein

Developing CPS has placed a lot of weight on my shoulders. After all, I still have my responsibilities as a husband, father and employee.

It is difficult not to be hard on myself when I feel the constant stress of my situation. Some of this pressure I have created myself. There are times I have pushed too hard to try and gain control over the monster, believing that I could somehow beat it. It never works.

I found it hard to accept that the pain was permanent in the early days of diagnosis. In the past it has always been my default setting to work myself out of a problem. To realise that I cannot do that with CPS brought me a lot of frustration. I have had to relearn coping skills rather than constantly trying to fix the problem, which has been hard for a man like me.

I have spent a lot of time angry with myself because of my new limitations. I am only 3 year's into living with CPS so it is all still relatively new to me. I am discovering though that self care is an important part of self management. I must take care of myself.

I have a busy life and there is no escaping that fact. I have to work my part time job to bring money in and I have to help out at home. Having triplet toddlers, there is no escaping my responsibilities as a father. So I have had to find ways to take care of myself and relax whenever I can. I need to be kind to myself.

Taking a hot bath and listening to music gives me a break and a chance to wind down. I find music to be a good distraction and the hot water relaxes my muscles. Sometimes just watching a movie is a couple of hours out of my head and distracted from the pain. It is a case of finding what works for you.

I also take care of myself mentally and spiritually with non contemplative meditation. It is a way to face stress with grace, to detach from the negative thoughts and emotions I experience.

I have found writing to be a cathartic exercise. As well as writing for the Central Pain Syndrome Foundation I also write a blog about my experiences with fatherhood, meditation and CPS.

I am having to learn to be kind to myself. To listen to my body when I need to rest and to not physically push myself too much. I find when I do this that I can manage my pain a little better. And rest and relaxation are the best medicines I can take.

Questions or comments? Join the CPS patient conversation at our closed Facebook group or email us at info@cps.foundation