If Central Pain Syndrome Was A Time Sensitive Statue

"That's why you can never relax . . . you feel guilty if you think you're wasting time." -Wayne Jacobsen

This quote has been blowing my mind and is having me rethink what a waste of time is and what a necessary part of a process is. I'll be honest, I've felt guilty about not being nearly as productive as I'd like to be while having CPS.

I have told myself everyday that this is an experience I'm going through that while it feels like a setback, it is actually a launching pad for my comeback.

But I haven't put as much intention of thought into deliberately believing that the time I'm investing in my health right now is also not strictly a waste in other areas of life. So much of it has felt like a huge waste and is filling in for what I'd rather be doing.

Image Credit: © Kelsey Rein

Image Credit: ©Kelsey Rein


But for some reason reading this statement again and again reminds me that it’s not up to just me here and I don't get to decide what a waste of time is and what it is not.

My mind has changed over the “wasted time”.

The very tool being used in my life to help shape me into the person I need to become is this hammer and chisel called CPS. I can let it chip away at my hope and positivity, or I can let it chip away at my ungrateful and demanding spirit.

I am so glad to reflect back and say that I have let it chip away at the person I was; that person who got me to where I am - the compulsive and entitled selfish person. I have not, however, let it chip away at my resilience and mental fortitude.

What can seem like blank time “wasted” is actually a completely neutral thing. A thing which we can grab ahold of and bend to our will of progress, or let grab hold of us and become a place holder for not changing and growing.

It’s now engrained in my thinking that, “if anything matters, then everything matters”!