Be positive

I have had a bizzare couple of weeks. What at first i thought was a CPS flare up turned out to be two herniated discs in my lower spine. I finally gave in and went to the emergency room after waking up barely able to stand up. It was following an MRI that the real problem was revealed.

I was in for some painful days. At the hospital I was advised to return if it got any worse. That was on the Friday. By Monday morning the pain had spread up my spine and down into my legs. It was excruciating. I also had a temperature so was advised to head back into hospital where I was flushed out with antibiotics in the hope of bringing my temperature down.

The pain was ridiculous, my CPS started flaring up and on top of that the pain from the two bulging disc’s were creating all sorts of mischief.

I have popped disc’s out in the past and know how to deal with them. It was a case of resting flat on my back with my knees raised. And also to keep moving and doing light stretching movements. The more I can move the quicker I can heal.

I have spent the last couple of weeks sleeping on the living room floor with just my little farty dog to keep me company. He's a loyal companion. The triplets have also been careful stepping around and over me. Ava especially likes to make sure I have sufficient blankets and pillows.

The pain killers have helped somewhat. I was sent home with morphine which could knock out a small rhinoceros. And my CPS flare is now calming down. I’m off work this week so I am doing as the doctors ordered. I am staying on top of my meditation practice with plenty of quiet time to do it whilst the girls are at school.

I have mentally and spiritually taken a minor hit of late. As you know, pain is draining in every sense and I got to the point I started to laugh at it. It was either that or cry, which I have done on a few occasions, locked in the downstairs toilet whilst the hustle and bustle of my busy house continues to hum.

I have tried to think positively but it just doesn't work for me. I need to take action if I am to take steps forward in my recovery. I am nudging myself carefully each day to do a little more. I even took my loyal companion for a light stroll around my estate. To be out in the Autumn sunshine after being stuck in so long was healing. I had to use my walking stick and couldn't walk for long but made the effort.

I am litteraraly back to baby steps. God has a way of slowing me down at times. But I am also pretty sure he doesn't want me sat on my arse feeling sorry for myself either. Suffering from CPS I have had to learn to do things in moderation and not to get too far ahead of myself. A lesson I continue to learn on my journey.

But as for today, the bright Autumn sun and the crisp colors of the dying leaves gave me a breathe of wellness.

And it felt good.