New year
Firstly happy new year and I hope you all had a good Christmas holiday. You may or may not have noticed that I have had a wee break from writing over the last few weeks. For me the Christmas holiday was a time of rest and relaxation. It was good to have nothing to focus on but my family. It’s always a special time. I celebrated seven years of marriage with my wife and we enjoyed a meal out without children hanging off our legs.
It was also the first Christmas in three years that I have not wound up in hospital with flare ups; and for this I am truly grateful. The lower pain day’s awarded me the freedom to do the things I enjoy. I even managed to take my dog for a decent walk each day. This was the first time in months I was able to do this. It may seem like a small activity to do but for me it’s big steps. I am also aware that the lower pain I'm experiencing won't last, but rather than fear what is coming, I am practicing living in the present moment. I am feeling positive as a result.
The Christmas period is always a time for reflection. And looking back for most of the year I struggled mentally and physically, especially in the months leading up to Christmas. Reflecting gives me an opportunity to weigh up how I managed, and more importantly what I can change going forward.
I’m in a good place for the first time since the accident. A long break over the holiday gave me a chance to physically rest and reboot myself mentally with meditation - the most important tool in my box. By practicing conscious awareness I spent less time in worry and fear. I was able to just enjoy family time.
The new year is a time of gratitude. It is the sign that I have survived another year despite the pain and the secondary problems it has caused. My family are thriving under the principles of love and patience. My marriage has strengthened because of the faith in each other to overcome the obstacles life has thrown at us.
The last few years have tested us to the limits because of CPS. From having to take charity to feed my children due to losing my ability to work, to experiencing days of hellish pain that never seemed to end. It is a frustrating and agonising disorder. ‘The Monster’ as I call it, is forever present and I am aware of it’s power to cripple me. But for now I am going to make the most of each moment that my suffering has become manageable.
I am realising more and more that my attitude towards it can change the way I mentally deal with it. After all - the main problem is in the mind. And when I take care of myself spiritually through meditation, the lower pain day's become times I can experience joy in what’s in front of me. And being a father and husband are the most important things in that respect.
So I wish you all blessings and love. And hope this year brings you relief in some way.